Published On: Wed, May 22nd, 2019

Things I Consider Inevitable As a Parent in 2018

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1. I don’t put much stock in New Year’s resolutions, but I do see January as a month for new starts. The new year is filled with new opportunities and challenges. As the parent of two rapidly growing children, here’s what I foresee in 2018.

2. Lots of wistful reminiscences. My kids are 4 and 6 now. They look less like their baby pictures with every passing day. This only becomes more true with each year. I expect to spend a lot of time wishing I could freeze them in amber so they won’t grow up.

Too many poop jokes. What’s the funniest thing on the planet right now? According to my daughter, it’s the word “poop. ” Every joke she makes involves saying a normal sentence but replacing the noun with “poop. ” On the bright side, it’s never been easier to make her laugh.

3. Necessary adjustments to tantrums. When my kids throw tantrums, I usually ignore them until they burn out. Unfortunately, they now get more agitated to the point of near-hyperventilation. For the sake of their respiratory health and my wife’s eardrums, I’d better figure out how to handle tantrums better.

4. A post-Christmas purge. Coming from a relatively poor household, every Christmas seems too big to me. By now, the old toy piles form small mountains in the toy room, so it’s time for a purge to allow the new ones in. Hopefully, this won’t cause any tantrums, because. . . well, see my point above.

5. Lots of awesome singing. Although they’re a long way away from singing on-key, my kids thankfully have more in common with my wife than with me when it comes to musical talent. They now improvise songs and add their own lyrics to existing melodies, so I look forward to lots of music in 2018.

Parenting Singing

6. The occasional leg injury. My kids are good about not hitting their peers, but they sometimes forget the “no hitting” rule when it comes to a parent. We’re working on drilling the hitting tendencies out of them, but in the meantime they’re right at thigh level. I’d best get ready for the occasional leg injury.

7. A continuation of the war over veggies. I don’t know how, but I am going to get my kids to willingly eat vegetables at some point in 2018. They seem determined to oppose anything that doesn’t have peanut butter on top of it or sugar inside of it, though. I’m open to suggestions here.

8. The testing of all the limits. The most amazing part of parenting is watching your kids grow into independent people. Unfortunately, that’s also the most frustrating part sometimes. My kids have learned that I will sometimes cave on a rule if they push hard enough. This will be a year of testing limits.

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